Vollschlank ? Vollschlau !

Thursday, August 7th, 2008

Engineers and Management

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.

She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer" said the balloonist.

"I am", replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well", answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything you've delayed my trip even more."

The man below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems"
...mehr lesen !

Friday, July 25th, 2008

Vollschlaue Anleitung: How to pack like an Engineer ?

The so-called bundle method avoids the creases and wrinkles you get from folding or rolling your clothes. Good-bye, hotel iron!

1) Stack your clothes, starting with larger, more wrinkle-prone apparel, such as jackets, dresses, pants, and long-sleeve shirts. Make sure that each item you lay out is as smooth and flat as possible.

2) Neatly pile rumple-resistant garments, such as t-shirts, sweaters, and shorts. Top them with a bag of socks, undies, and other crinkle-proof gear that will form the core of your bundle.

3) Wrap each item around the core, starting from the top of your pile. The key is to make each layer as taut as possible. With shirts, pull the sleeves across the bundle before wrapping up the body.

4) Wedge books, shoes, and other hard items around the sides of your bag. After you unpack, steam away any incidental wrinkles by hanging items in the bathroom while you shower.

PackLikeAnEngineer.jpg
...mehr lesen !

Monday, September 17th, 2007

Dont miss your SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it would be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING [S.H.I.T.] We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
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Monday, September 17th, 2007

What Makes 100% ?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions.
...mehr lesen !

Thursday, June 7th, 2007

Vollschlaue Firewall...

Image:Vollschlaue Firewall...
...mehr lesen !

Thursday, March 8th, 2007

Vollschlaue Stellenanzeige - Oder: KLARE ANSAGE

Also, da komme ich doch echt ins grübeln, ob ich mich nicht gleich bewerbe. Was für eine Einleitung:

...mit Teams umzugehen, die grundsätzlich alles besser wissen; uneinsichtige und beratungsresistente Menschen sowohl zu steuern als auch zu beraten; täglich mit selbstbewussten Kollegen aus allen Fachbereichen umzugehen; operativ in einem Umfeld zu agieren, das sich im Umbruch befindet. Übrigens: Für jede Vakanz haben Sie selbstverständlich immer den passenden Nobelpreisträger an der Hand!


Doch dann lese ich weiter und kriege Angst: Ist das nicht meine Stelle, die da beschrieben wird...?

Sie haben ein Kreuz wie Mohammed Ali; Sie sind ein Fels in der Brandung; Sie setzen Ihre Ideen erst durch und dann um; Sie geben Kamikaze-Projekten den Vorrang; Ihre Kämpfe um Budgets sind legendär; Sie vertragen die Wahrheit und können diese auch aussprechen; Diplomatie? Ist Ihnen ein Fremdwort; ... Wenn Sie bereit sind, für das alles ein Hungergehalt zu akzeptieren, alles vor dem Frühstück erledigt haben und am Abend immer noch lachen können, dann sind Sie der Mann / die Dame, die wir suchen!


Doch, das kommt echt nah dran.
Vollschlaue Stellenanzeige, das Original ist hier (ja, die gibt es wirklich...)
...mehr lesen !

Wednesday, March 7th, 2007

Vollschlaue Vollschlanke in Bild, ohne Ton

Vollschlank und Vollschlau in nur einem Bild.
...mehr lesen !